I fully expected immigration and “immigration reform” to be one of the key issues of the 2008 presidential campaign.  The Republican candidate was going to emphasize policy proposals and use jingoistic euphemisms that told the white, black and Asian people, in coded language, that they’d better be afraid of Mexicans and that we should send as many of them as we can back to where they came from.  Regardless of who won the election, this would have caused a large number of obedient Republicans who otherwise might not have worried too much about Mexicans to see our latest wave of immigrants as a people to fear and hate.

But this didn’t happen.

For this, I must say–eh-hem–thank you, John McCain.

From Atrios, the Master of Brevity (post quoted in its entirety):

“Remember when John McCain was running for president? That was pretty funny.”

…that Barack Obama wants to take all your money and give it to black people?  John McCain’s message told me so.

And I think I also read it in an email someone sent me.

Like you couldn’t see this coming.

The Washington Post is reporting that, since they can’t win on the issues, and since constantly repeating that thing about his having been a lousy pilot who volunteered to be tortured isn’t working either, the McCain campaign is deciding to go the Ayers-Rezko route.

“We are looking for a very aggressive last 30 days,” said Greg Strimple, one of McCain’s top advisers. “We are looking forward to turning a page on this financial crisis and getting back to discussing Mr. Obama’s aggressively liberal record and how he will be too risky for Americans.”

Yeah, financial crisis, schminancial crisis…let’s move on, shall we?  I have a feeling that ain’t gonna work so well, though I’m almost always wrong in predicting how the ignoramuses will react, so I should probably be nervous.

Fortunately, the Obama campaign has already put out a pre-emptive ad, slapping back…

The McCain campaign is pulling out of Michigan.

This means he’ll almost certainly have to win Pennsylvania to stand a chance, and that proposition ain’t lookin’ too good.

An Obama Administration would be boring, steady.

A McCain Administration would be exciting, erratic.

From Congressional Quarterly…

Let the record reflect that Barack Obama made the approach to John McCain tonight.

As the two shared the Senate floor tonight for the first time since they won their party nominations, Obama stood chatting with Democrats on his side of the aisle, and McCain stood on the Republican side of the aisle.

So Obama crossed over into enemy territory.

He walked over to where McCain was chatting with Republican Sen. Mel Martinez of Florida and Independent Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut. And he stretched out his arm and offered his hand to McCain.

McCain shook it, but with a “go away” look that no one could miss. He tried his best not to even look at Obama.

Finally, with a tight smile, McCain managed a greeting: “Good to see you.”

Obama got the message. He shook hands with Martinez and Lieberman - both of whom greeted him more warmly - and quickly beat a retreat back to the Democratic side.

Now that McCain has voted for the bailout, or whatever we’re calling it now, will there be a small but significant Republican backlash?  Did Bob Barr just gain a few percentage points that could make all the difference between a squeaker and a landslide?  McCain already looks doomed for defeat.  With nothing to lose, will this provide the justification for a protest vote?

Just asking.

James Carville said of political battles, “When your opponent is drowning, throw the son of a bitch an anvil.”

That suits my state of mind in these final weeks of this ridiculous presidential campaign I’ve, irrationally, been following obsessively for almost two years.  Early on in the primary season, I was pro-Obama, and not terribly anti-anybody.  Then, with so many others, I came to hate the Clintons’ unscrupulous guts, and putting them in their place took precedence over my once-pure desire to have the Land of Lincolner be the Democratic nominee.

After Bam finally had the nomination wrapped up, I managed to ease into a more positive approach again.  I allowed myself to read Dreams from My Father, which I’d carefully avoided during primary season for fear that the anticipated appreciation for Obama’s mind would intensify my disappointment to some unbearable level if he were to lose (the memoir did not disappoint).

But now, once again, my obsession is driven by my hatred of McCain (and his idiot sidekick).  I’ve succumbed to the very natural instinct that demonizes the enemy.  The realist (pessimist?) in me knows that, even with strong Democratic majorities in both houses of Congress, a President Obama is likely to accomplish little.  Budgetary limitations and entrenched interests will slow that change to the point where it will be difficult to tell whether the thing is moving at all.  The best I’m hoping for is a four-year term where things actually don’t get worse.

So now it’s all about the horse race for me.  Not only must my guy win, the other guy has to be humiliated.  I have a feeling McCain genuinely believes (still) that there’s no way in hell this young punk is gonna beat him.  He’s too self-worshiping to even acknowledge such a possibility.  The greatest pleasure will be seeing the look in his eyes when he realizes that his lifelong dream is destroyed.

My fear is that the Obama campaign, not wanting to do anything that risks upsetting their solid lead in the polls, will play it safe for the next month and try to cruise across the finish line.  If they do, they’re doomed.  McCain’s fists are going to be flying.  His campaign will do whatever it has to do, truth and honor be damned.  The Obama campaign has to hit him HARD.  Now.  While he’s down.  Kick him in the balls, break three ribs and pummel his nose until there’s nothing left but some sandy bits of broken cartilage.

Break him!

I’ve another idea about how we can use John McCain’s history of adultery to win this election.

Although the polls in a number of swing states have been turning in Obama’s favor recently, McCain is still clinging to a narrow lead in Ohio.  Democrats always do well in the urban areas there, but George W. Bush was able to win Ohio twice by targeting voters in rural areas, particularly those in southern Ohio along the Kentucky border, and in the so-called “collar counties” circling major urban areas.  If we can do something to depress turnout in these areas and limit McCain’s margin of victory in places like Butler, Clermont and Warren counties, Obama will win Ohio.  And if Obama wins Ohio, it will be nearly impossible for McCain to win the election.

So what’s my idea?  Well, what would happen if hundreds or thousands of people started calling Ohioans in rural and exurban areas and describing McCain’s history of adultery and mistreatment of his first wife?

Worst case scenario:  a few hundred potential McCain voters, shocked and disgusted by what they’ve learned, don’t bother voting or vote for a third-party candidate or maybe even vote for Obama.  No matter how small the numbers, it could make a difference in a close election.

Best case scenario:  the Ohio media, or better yet the national media, pick up the story of Ohioans receiving disturbing phone calls from some shadowy group called “Ohioans For Truth.”  The media spotlight shines upon the story of McCain’s treatment of his wife after she was disfigured in an auto accident, thousands of otherwise ignorant people learn the truth, and Obama wins Ohio and the nation easily.

Worth trying, right?  Most of us have extra cell phone minutes left over each month, so why not put them to good use?

Step # 1: Pick a town you’re going to hit.  Towns in Butler County are listed here, towns in Clermont County are listed here, and towns in Warren County are listed here.  Focusing our efforts geographically will make it more likely that the story is picked up by the local media (and the local story could then be picked up by the statewide media).

Step # 2: Go to whitepages.com.  Enter the name of the town you’ve chosen, enter “OH” in the state field and then enter a fairly common last name in the Last Name field.  Depending upon the size of the town, you’ll normally get a number of choices that have the phone number listed.  If you have enough choices, focus on women.

Step # 3: Start making calls!  Use the script below and remember to be polite.  As misinformed as many of them may be, the people you’ll reach will mostly be friendly and polite themselves.  Of course, don’t sound like you’re reading from a script.  Be conversational.

Step # 4: If you can get a person to give you his or her email address, send him or her “The REAL John McCain” viral right-wing email.

Step # 5: Set goals for yourself.  How many calls will you make between now and election day?  100?  1,000?

Step # 6 (this is essential): Encourage every right-minded (left-minded?) person you know to participate in this virtual phone bank.  The only way any of this is going to have an effect is if hundreds or thousands of people participate.  None of us can do it alone.

Here’s the script to use when making your calls…

1. “Hi!  Is this [person's name]?”

If YES, go to step 2.

If NO, “Could I speak to him/her, please?”

If NO, go to step 2 and address the person who answered the phone.

2. “This is [your real or fake name] calling from Ohioans for Truth.  How are you today?”

Engage in friendly banter if necessary.

“Would it be okay if I took just a minute to talk to you about how John McCain repeatedly cheated on his first wife Carol after she was disfigured in a car accident?”

If YES or NOT SURE, go to step 3.

If NO, skip to step 4.

3. “Great!  Unfortunately this is kind of a sad story.  On Christmas Eve in 1969, John McCain’s first wife Carol was severely injured in a car accident.  She was hospitalized for over six months and over the next two years had to endure 23 operations.  Because of the shattered bones that were removed, she lost several inches in height.  She walked with a limp.  Her body was held together with screws and metal plates.  And because of her challenged mobility and medications, Carol gained a lot of weight.

“When John McCain came home from Vietnam, friends say he was appalled by Carol’s physical changes.  She was a model when they had married, and now she was overweight and disfigured.  Almost immediately, John McCain started cheating on Carol.  He would leave her at home with the kids and go off on cross-country trips where he had sexual encounters with a wide variety of women.

“This went on for over four years until he met Cindy Hensley, a beautiful blond heiress 17 years his junior, and the current Mrs. McCain.  Her family was rich and politically connected, and John McCain saw an opportunity.  He divorced Carol and only one month later married Cindy.

“To this day, Carol still lives alone.  She never remarried.

“Ronald and Nancy Reagan, who were dear friends of John and Carol, stopped speaking to John because of what he did.

“John McCain has only said he “accepts responsibility” for what he did to Carol. But is he has never said he’s sorry. He has never even been baptized!

4. “Would it be okay if I sent you an email that describes this sad story in detail?  I think it’s important that you see the facts and that you share them with your family and friends.”

If YES, get the person’s email address and send him/her the “The REAL John McCain” viral right-wing email.

If NO, “Well, I encourage you to look into this story online and to share it with your friends and family.  It’s important to know what kind of man John McCain really is.”

5. “Thank you for your time, [person's name].  Goodbye.”

Related Posts:

My Attempt at Composing a Viral Right-Wing Email

If I Were a Millionaire

McCainâ??s Economic Plan For Nation: ‘Everyone Marry A Beer Heiress’