Ryan Call of <HTMLGIANT> stayed up late to write “an intelligent post to temper all of the madhouse raving” for “Under the Table.”

Unfortunately, the story itself is fairly boring and overdone, which I suppose you can justify with the argument that those little spreadsheet cells don’t have room for subtlety. But one would hope that restriction could create some really odd and mysterious language. Also, this is a first draft, which David emphasizes in his post, so apologies for my taking it as finished product. But really, people, I don’t see what’s so “brilliant” and “nicely done!”

I don’t agree with all of his comments, but I do think Ryan is correct in criticizing the language of the “Thought” columns.  It is in these columns that the real story is taking place, and I too don’t really like the way they’re currently written.  I feel like there are two options here:  either make the thoughts more like raw data (bullet points?), which may be appropriate for the spreadsheet form, or else try to make the language a lot more artful.  Instead, what I’ve done in this first draft is end up somewhere in the middle.  That’s not going to work.  I might have to try both of the extremes to see what reads better.

In any case, I’ll certainly include Ryan’s name in the list of contributors in the final draft, if he permits it.  But I suspect he won’t.

Well, it’s been a week since I posted the first draft of “Under the Table,” and it has now been downloaded over 10,000 times.  I’m extremely grateful for all the attention it has received and would like to thank everyone who promoted it, who commented (both here and elsewhere) and who provided feedback.  Yeah, I wrote the thing, but the people who blogged and tweeted about it and who linked to it are the ones who are truly responsible for helping this first draft find so many readers.

Let me say again:  THANK YOU!

Yes, I know that the novelty, the gimmick, of having a piece of fiction structured within a spreadsheet is the fuel that made this all possible.  In a world with so many available diversions, one must do what one can to get people to read a short story!  But the pure idea of writing in this way preceded the notion that it might be an attention-getter, and I think that fact made it possible that this piece of writing could be something readable and good rather than just a cheap stunt.

I have received some criticism that I didn’t go far enough, that Excel is capable of being far more dynamic and interactive than I’ve asked it to be here.  It was never my intention to push Excel to its literary limit, but I agree that it would be interesting to see someone try and heartily encourage others to give it a shot!

In fact, there have been rumors that others are planning their own spreadsheet fiction.  It could even be happening at this very minute.  Stay tuned…  Update: It has been done!  Jason Rodriguez has written a story in a spreadsheet as part of his project to tell the same story in 260 (!) genres.

Apart from the short storyspreadsheet concept, I’ve received enough positive feedback about the effectiveness of the story itself to convince myself that I’m not completely delusional for kinda liking this thing.  Remember, it’s just a first draft.  I can make this a lot better.  So do I plan on using the feedback I’ve received to go through the dreary editing process and work toward a final draft?  Absolutely.

Do I still hope to have this published by the online version of a highly esteemed literary journal?  Hell, yes!  With the kind of traffic it (still) has the potential to deliver, I might even make them pay me for the privilege (but don’t let that scare you off, dear editor).

Will I ever write another short storyspreadsheet, or even a novexcel?  Nah!  Well…maybe.  You never know.  We’ll see what happens.

A few weeks ago, I had a nutty idea and decided to Tweet it:

Naturally, I assumed that would be it.  Like one of Yoko Ono’s wacky concepts, the mere idea of such a thing would be entertaining enough.  No point in going through the trouble of actually doing it.

But there was a bit of a reaction to the idea.  Just a wee bit of a stir.  Then absurdist writer Nick Name came up with the term for such a creation:  novexcel.

That struck me as a beautiful new word.  It acted as a kind of fuel for my inspiration.  I decided that, for once, I really ought to put one of my nutty ideas to the test.

But the time required for a full-length novexcel would be more than I’d care to invest in an experiment.  Instead, I thought, how about a short storyspreadsheet?

So I’ve done it.  Here is the first draft of my short storyspreadsheet “Under the Table” (I hope I don’t need to point out the double entendre).  Other formats are available at the end of the post.  Read it.  I swear it’s not horrible (how’s that for a blurb?).

Click here to download the Excel version of “Under the Table.”

The first worksheet of the Excel file has the “raw data,” the story itself (8 columns x 30 rows).  The easiest way to read it is to click on the first cell and then use the arrow keys to move to the next cell you want to read.  The second sheet has a line graph that gives graphical representation to the “Character Intensity of Thought Units” (CIT Units) for each “Action Segment” in the story.

The raw data is formatted to print nicely, if that’s your thing.  However, I encourage everyone to read the story in its electronic format.  I’ve turned on “Track Changes,” thereby cordially inviting you to collaborate with me on this short storyspreadsheet.  Make any changes you feel are appropriate, and then send your version of the short storyspreadsheet back to me at david [at] theurbanelitist [dot] com.  I’ll be able to highlight any changes you made.  In particular, I’d like help with the language of each character’s thoughts.  I was not sure how best to handle this (Joycean stream of consciousness or ???).

All suggestions/edits will be considered and greatly appreciated.  However, I remain the master of this particular short storyspreadsheet.  This is not literature as democracy.  Whether or not a collaborator’s suggestions are used, all collaborators will be credited in the final version.

Of course, if you’d like to write your own short storyspreadsheet, please send it to me and I’ll add all submitted short storyspreadsheets to single Excel file (one story per worksheet).  The short storyspreadsheet collection will then be distributed globally in an electronic format, free of charge.  Those who download it will be encouraged to sneak a short storyspreadsheet or two into their dreary work-related Excel files.

Do I have any plans to turn “Under the Table” into a “normal” short story?  No.  This banal scenario, I think, would not work as a standard short story.  It only has the potential to be effective in the short storyspreadsheet format.  Besides, these characters are a rather despicable lot.  They deserve to be trapped inside a spreadsheet.  (Let that be your warning.  These characters are cruel and often crude.  Deal with it.  Short storyspreadsheets by their very nature contain only cold facts, like them or not.  Welcome to your world.)

Do I hope to have the final version of “Under the Table” published in the online version of a highly esteemed literary journal?  Yes.  I want to say something like, “Let’s see if any literary journal has the GUTS to publish a short storyspreadsheet!”  But if I were to do that, a significant percentage of people would not realize that I was kidding.  We can’t have that.  If I’m happy with the final result, I would like to see this published in a highly esteemed literary journal, but I do not actually believe that publishing it will require any “guts.”

Options for reading “Under the Table”:

Excel version (recommended)

Word version (the Excel table is pasted into Word)

Update: Google Docs Spreadsheet (thanks, Ryan)

Screen shots after the jump… Click to continue »